Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

A Clean Heart

Friday, August 14th, 2009

There is a scripture on my mind, and I have been quoting it lately.  It is from th fifty-first Psalm, a prayer of repentance made by David after sinning with Bathsheba.  It states, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” (Verse 10, KJV)

This has not been on my mind because I have been involved in some unspeakable sin (doesn’t that make you feel relieved?) but because I have been examining my own heart, trying to see what is really there, wanting to surrender it fully to God.

To be truthful, I didn’t like everything I found there.  I had to look at my own feelings and motives honestly, and was ashamed at the level of selfishness.  Yes, I said selfishness.

Admittedly, like anyone else, I carry the emotional scars and baggage of past disappointments.  Recently when something from the past was recalled and stirred up, the twinge of that disappointment’s pain was felt again.  As I was thinking about the reasons why I could still feel this, I realized it was because I had from the very first been more focused on myself than anything else.  I was primarily concerned with what I wanted, and when that did not materialize I was disappointed.

The reason it still hurt when I thought about it was because rather than surrender my desires to God, I let a sliver of bitterness get into me.  I was like a pouting child in that sense because I was holding on to a hurt because I didn’t get my way.  And it involved a great deal of selfishness in me that I did not want to face or admit to having.

That is not to say that we will not face disappointments even when we are pure of heart, or are not motivated by selfishness.  Sometimes things do not work out, but Jesus said he would heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18).

However, sometimes we don’t always have the purest motives.  We hope to gain something (other than the promises of God) so we go forth with a bad motive trying to do a good thing.

For example, we love, but only because we expect that love to be reciprocated in like manner.  Most of us are guilty of this from time to time.  We exhibit kindness to others, but do it with the motive of gaining their loyalty to us, not because we see a need and are moved by compassion.

Then we face disappointment when those expectations are not met.  We become undone by our own impure motives.

So now I find myself praying daily that God will create a clean heart in me.  I want to do the right thing for one reason - simply because it is right.  I want my relationships to be based on exhibiting the love of Christ, not to fulfill a selfish need or desire for approval or affection.  I want my good works and actions toward others to stem not from a selfish motive, but from allowing God to work through me, to show Himself through those actions, so that He can be glorified.

I hope you understand what I am feebly trying to express here. Thanks.

Be blessed, and have a great day.

Return of “Bearing the Burden”

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

A while back, I wrote a post called “Bearing the Burden.”

It addressed the commandment that we bear one another’s burdens, found in Galatians 6:2.

Lately in more than one conversation, I have heard comments concerning how this is often not the case.  One of the things I have heard repeatedly is that people are often “busy” and don’t take time to involve themselves with the struggles of others in the family of God.  They have their own families, their own struggles, their own things to deal with.  On the surface, this seems to be a justifiable reason.  The time is just not there to get overly involved with others.  So folks do what they can; however, sometimes hurting people need more than a Facebook comment or a quickie email.  If that is the best we can do, we are falling short.

In the parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20) Jesus talked about the cares of this world choking out the word of God (Mark 4:19).  We are commanded to bear one another’s burdens in order to fulfill the “law of Christ.”  What is the simplest and purest description of the “law of Christ?”  Jesus said in John 15:12, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”  The way that He loved (and loves) us was with the ultimate expession of love, giving His life as a ransom for us.  Sometimes we have to do what is not convenient, not pleasant, or not easy.  We may have to sacrifice something.  In fulfilling this commandment of Christ we are told to bear one another’s burdens.  If we fail to do this, to hold to this conviction, we are failing to love.

Another thing I have heard is that people sometimes don’t reach out.  This one sometimes comes from the fear of offending someone, not wanting to violate someone’s privacy, or even uncertainty about whether or not it is the right thing to do.  In most cases, it is best to reach out.  Sharing the love of God is never a mistake, even if someone has trouble receiving it.  If we make a mistake trying to do what is right, God will forgive.  Probably the offended party will as well.  It reminds me of the old saying, “Do something, even if it’s wrong.”  Fear of failure or making a mistake should never stop us from trying to be obedient to God.  If He gave us the commandment, He is able to give us the grace to obey it properly, and He is able to make things work out if we miss the mark.

Whether we realize it or not, we are connected.  We are also created for relationship with God and with others.  Let’s get involved and loft one another up.

Be blessed and have a great day.

Walkin’ In The Sunshine

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

There is an old Roger Miller song from way back called “Walkin’ in the Sunshine” (you can see the lyrics here.)

I am bringing this up in order to talk about Proverbs 17:22 : “A cheerful heart is good medicine,  but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”  Life is often tough, and it is difficult to maintain cheerfulness sometimes.  That is why it is important for us to encourage each other.  Even to occasionally make each other laugh, and enjoy that moment of stress release that comeswith it. Just as there is a proper time to mourn, there is a time to laugh (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

It is great to have friends around at times of stress and trouble.  They often bring some cheer to an otherwise sorrowful time.  I’m not saying that lightheartedness is appropriate in every circumstance, but often the cheerful attitude of another person is exactly what we need to influence our perspective, and keep us on the right track.

One of my friends in particular comes to mind (for sake of her privacy, we will just call her “Sunshine.”)  Sunshine gave me a laugh this very morning, which I needed.  We very often exchange lighthearted remarks, even when one of us or both of us are under stress.  I would have to rate Sunshine as one of the most fun people I  know (maybe the most fun.)  Often we look upon such actions as small or trivial, when actually it sometimes goes a long way in helping someone else’s mood to improve, or just helping them get through a rough day.

Never underestimate the power of a kind word, or a cheerful attitude.  They can make a lot of difference in someone’s world.

Be blessed and have a great day.

Hello, Young Lovers! (And the rest of you single folks. And the not single, too.)

Friday, July 10th, 2009

I recently was reading an article in a well known magazine dealing with relationships between the genders (romantic relationships primarily, but to a degree others as well.)  You can check out the article here.

It brought the point up that there seemed to be e sense of extremes in the Christian community, especially among the twentysomethings.  The writer spoke of the guys who dated their way through every single girl in the church, and also of those who were focused so strongly on the “courtship-not-dating” paradigm that they really could not develop friendships with the opposite sex, thinking that for some reason or another it might lead to something “wrong”.

I find that over the years hearing many of the opinions concerning dating and relationships among Christians that the consensus is that there is no consensus.  The opinions are as diverse as the people.

So that would mean that there is no “one-size-fits-all”.  Let’s face it, dating and relationships for a teenager are different than dating and relationships for a twentysomething and it becomes even more different for a thirtysomething, especially if that person has been previously married, etc.

Some people do well living a single and unfettered life within the church (not everyone is meant for this Matthew 19:12 lifestyle) for either the short or long term.  And this is fine, there is not one thing wrong with it.

For everyone else, there is one question of self-examination that needs to be asked: Am I seeking a mate ahead of seeking God?

God must be put first.  Everyone says that God has first place, and that God governs their relationships.  Wonderful, no one ever makes a mistake in their relationships, gets into a bad relationship, or gets involved with someone who is not right for them.  Everyone is super-spiritual, right? (I know, I don’t usually employ sarcasm.  I think sarcasm is justified when it drives home a valid point.)

Of course, even if we do put God first, and try our level best, it doesn’t guarantee success.  There are two people involved, and they must be on the same page in order for that to happen.  What putting God first guarantees us is that God will be there for us, that when things do go wrong we can have a clean conscience before Him, and that He will give us the strength to face those issues.

The main point I am trying to make is that each person needs to have a pure heart before God, and let His Spirit and His word guide our decisions.  That is not just true concerning relationships, but everything.  Following God is not that complicated.  All we have to do is to let Him lead. (Check out Proverbs 3:6 before you go.)

Be blessed and have a great day.

Honoring the Prophets

Monday, July 6th, 2009

There is something Jesus said in Mark 6:4 (and for once I will quote from the NIV rather than the King James - just to keep you on your toes.)

Jesus said unto them, “Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.”

Sometimes it is possible to disregard a message from God because we are so familiar with the source; we know the messenger too well.

We hear the pastor all the time, the teacher of the Sunday school class, the leader of the small group, or even the friend who has been praying for us.

While it is true that sometimes people say things to us, words of encouragement or advice, that really are just the thoughts and feelings of their own hearts, sometimes we miss the message because of the messenger.  If we were to receive the same message from someone more “prominent”, we would receive it gladly, even be in awe.

I believe that God places people around us that can speak His word into our lives, and that we should never feel that just because someone is our friend, or because we know them well, or because we hear them all the time, that we should disregard what is said when it is truly from God.

God has generously blessed me through the people in my life.  I have to say that there are many great and awesome servants of God among my friends.  (One prime example of this can be found in the links on the right hand side of this blog.  Check Erin Gripper’s blog out, she really is honestly one of my heroes. Not to say that there are not others, because there are many.)  I hope that I can always honor them properly. (Check Romans 13:7)

There have been great pastors and leaders throughout my life, many of whom I have been very close with.  Being close to leaders is a good thing.  That closeness, however, should always lead to a respect that allows them to speak truth into your life, not to a familiarity that causes you to take them lightly.

If we stay humble and obedient, God can use those around us to speak to us and lift us up in infinite ways.

Be blessed and have a great day!

Get Out Of The Way

Monday, June 29th, 2009

Sometimes we make it difficult to get to God.

I was looking at the woman in Mark 5:24-34 who had to press her way through a crowd to get to Jesus when she wanted healed of a bleeding disorder.  There were a lot of people pressing around Jesus.  Some just wanted to be near Him.  But maybe there were those who had their own personal agendas, something they wanted, and their selfishness prevented someone with a genuine need from being able to get to the Lord.

We do this often today.  We become involved with our own agendas and our own desires so much that we refuse to acknowledge the needs of others.  We have our own issues to address, and that takes precedence over everything else.  We (or read that as I, take your pick; it pertains to each of us individually) have to look out for ourselves, develop our own relationship with God to a greater level, or (look out on this one) further our own ideas to the pastor/leader/church board.  Make the phone call, get that meeting, advance that idea.

Don’t get me wrong on this.  There is a time for those things.  Good ideas should be advanced, but not at the expense of more urgent needs.  Sometimes that is what happens, though.  God’s work gets sacrificed by us when it is the very thing we claim to be doing, even aim to be doing.

In Mark 7:7-8 Jesus addressed the advancing of traditions of men as something that was negating the commandments of God.  A personal agenda had been advanced that made it difficult for people to reach God.  It was an inhibitor of faith, and a stumbling block.

We don’t always recognize the urgency of need, as the disciples in Mark 10:46-52, when Bar Timaeus, the blind beggar, was crying out to Jesus, and the entourage that was there tried to get the beggar to be silent. (He then yelled louder, and got what he needed.  Good advice for those being blocked: Keep going after God anyway.  Make more noise, be determined, persevere.  You can make it.)

It isn’t so much a case of not doing good, but a case of not following the proper priorities in doing so.  We need to be very cautious not to diminish the needs of others while trying to follow God and do His will.  We don’t want to be so wrapped up in ourselves that we forget those around us.

We not only make it hard for others (even though it may not be our intention to do so) but we also make it difficult for ourselves. Romans 8:5-8 addresses how our own sinful human nature, our own carnality, sets us at odds with God.   Our own wrong thinking keeps us from Him.  Fortunately, His grace can set us free from that, His mercy is infinite and eternal, and if we are willing to let go of our own desires, He is not out of reach, but near to us when we reach out in faith.

When we set others as a priority, God is faithful to make sure we are taken care of as well.  Trust Him in this.

Be Blessed, and have a great day.

Spiritual Disengagement

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

I don’t have a snappy intro here. This is a topic of such seriousness that no tagline could address it properly.

It happens to a lot of us.  We find ourselves in a rut, going through the motions, and getting nowhere.

Jesus himself spoke of spiriual disengagement in Matthew 15:8 (he was referencing Isaiah 29:13), saying the people “honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”

This would be the most extreme case, one of willful disengagement.  However, it provides us with a good point of reference for self evaluation.  Are we offering lip service to God while our heart is elsewhere?

If the answer to that question is even “occasionally”, then we have work to do.  Is our worship, our prayer, and our service to God not wholehearted?  We may be seeing warnings of spiritual disengagement.

What I am referring to does not even have to be intentional.  To the contrary, we may be doing everything right, abstaining from evil, yet still not have the heart totally in what we are doing.

It is possible that one of the greatest causes is simply the distraction of life.  In the parable of the sower and its exposition in Matthew 13, some of the seed fell among thorns, and was choked out by the cares of this world.  We sometimes find ourselves distracted by life, family, career, or whatever, and if the distractions are not overcome, they lead to a choking out of what God has placed in our lives, and we can become disengaged.

I look at this disengagement like a car that has the engine running, but is not in gear.  It can sit there and idle until it overheats and the engine blows up but it will not go anywhere.  Everything is ready to go, but until the transmission is engaged, it does nothing but make noise and pollute the atmosphere.

I believe that is important to state here that I am not saying that we will necessarily always feel or exhibit a deep emotional response in prayer or worship or even in acts of  service to God.  There are times when we continue to go forward on faith when feelings are not there, as long as the heart is right.  It is when the heart is drawn away from God that we begin to become disengaged.  Our relationship to God and with God begins to lessen in importance, and we begin to leave our first love.

The things we do start being more out of obligation and duty rather than out of a loving heart.  Maybe prayer becomes more of a ritual (see Matthew 6:5-7) or worship becomes more of a routine (Matthew 15:8, again).

One cause might be that we have left our first love (Revelation 2:4).  In this case we need to get back to basics (first works, Revelation 2:5) and renew and rekindle that relationship we had at the beginning.  Or possibly we have grown lukewarm (Revelation 3:15-18), allowing time and distractions to get the best of us, and we need to be challenged (verse 18 from the previous reference) to return and rekindle our passion for God.

No matter what the case, we have to make a move.  Disengagement is about us not moving.  We need to be active, and quite possible desparate, to get this change in us.

Although there are quiet times when God seems distant, that is when we need to pursue Him, not settle back and go through the motions, but earnestly open up the heart to Him.  We need to continue in what we are doing, but remember to keep focused on God, not to become distracted or disengaged.  It is much easier to keep going forward than to stop and then try to get started again.  Momentum is much more easily maintained than regained.

Be blessed and have a great day.

True Fellowship

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

In my previous post, Bearing the Burden, I addressed the concept of truly sharing the burdens of others.  This is actually a continuation of that concept, and I would like to address a few thoughts along the same lines and expand somewhat upon the theme.

We often use the term “fellowship” to describe any point in time in which believers are gathered.  We refer to a believer who is not engaged in regular attendance at a church as “not in fellowship”, we refer to having dinner or spending time with Christian friends as “a time of fellowship.”

I am not knocking going to church or having dinner with friends, as I do both of these things; however, I believe that true fellowship involves something more.

It involves the very thing I addressed previously, concerning bearing one anothers burdens as Galatians 6 commands.  It involves relationship at a deeper level.  It involves personal investment.

The term “personal investment” that I use here means a little more than just the spending of time.  The term, as I am using it, means we have a vested interest in the spiritual success of others, as well as their spiritual, physical, and emotional well being.

To put it more simply, when they fail, we fail.  When they hurt, we hurt.  When they have a need, we have a need.  We are joined to them, just as our limbs are joined to our body.  Indeed, we are all part of the same body (See 1 Corinthians 12:20-27).

There is a point at which situations demand more than just friendship, and God wants us to be truly joined to others.

To use a baseball analogy, sometimes when we step up to the plate in the bottom of the ninth, the team doesn’t need us to hit a home run.  The winning run is already at third base, and what is needed is simply a sacrifice.  It’s not about us, it’s about the success of the team.

I mean these things not as a condemning message, but as an encouragement.  The world can be a frustrating place.  Let’s stick together.

Be Blessed and have a great day.

Bearing The Burden

Friday, June 19th, 2009

I usually don’t start with a scripture in the first line of a post, but I will today: “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

As followers of Christ, it is important that we look out for one another.  It is important that we invest the time it takes to address the needs of our brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Speaking for myself, I think I miss the mark sometimes.  It’s not that I don’t take concern when I know someone is carrying a load that seems unbearable.  It’s that I don’t believe I go far enough.

It is a good thing to encourage someone who is straining and strugglilng to make it through.  It is great to have a cheerleader telling you not to give up, that you can make it.  It’s just that sometimes more is required.

It is also a good thing to pray for those in need of help.  God is the greatest help to anyone, and petitioning Him for the assistance of someone else is both correct and necessary.

But all to often we stop there.  Then we go on with our lives, thinking we have done what it takes.  And, yes, there are times when this is all we can do for someone.

Then there are times we need to go the extra mile.  Once we have encouraged and prayed, then what?  What do we do to help this person to carry the load?

Whatever it takes.

It may take sacrifice, it may take work and effort, it may take patience, it may take whatever we have to give.  If we truly love our brothers and sisters, and if we truly love God, we must be willing to do whatever it takes to help them to make it through difficulties, struggles, trials, and troubles.  We can’t do this from afar, we have to get in there with them.  It requires more than sympathy, to suffer the experience with them and share it, but empathy, truly feeling their pain as though it were your own and going through it right alongside them.

I think personally this is where I sometimes fail.  Although I can sympathize with their situation, I really don’t feel, hurt, and suffer with them.

My prayer is that God will teach me, and all of us, to truly be willing and able to do whatever it takes, to not only to feel sorry for the burdens of others, but to feel the pain of others with them, to share that burden in such a way that their struggle is lessened, and not let up until the load is lifted by God’s grace from their shoulders.

Do all that you can would be the best way to sum it up.  As one business man put it many years ago, “All you can do is all you can do; but all you can do is enough.”

Have a blessed day.

We Do What We Do. But Why?

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

What is it that motivates our behavior?

A clue to one of the prime motivators is found in Matthew 22:36-40.  When the Pharisees and Sadducees  asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, He answered, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”  He then added that the secondary was “love thy neighbor as thyself.”

When we do the right thing, either in what is pleasing to God or for the sake of another person, we are to do so out of love.  Not for any self-serving motive, just the motive of love.  The love we have for God makes us want to do what is pleasing to Him, and abstain from what is not pleasing to Him.

Love for others causes us to be more concerned for their welfare than our own.  It will cause us to behave properly toward others out of an overflowing heart.

We do not need to exhibit proper behavior because it is a “rule” that makes us “bad” if we misbehave.  We don’t do it to score “points” with God, or to seek reward.  When we love God and love others, that is all the motivation that we really need.

So, then, what about the other side of the coin?  What about when we fail?  Does that mean we really don’t love God, or really don’t love others?

In my opinion the problem is not that we don’t love God, it is that we love ourselves more than we love God.  In that sense, we are not loving God with our whole heart, we are keeping a little bit back to ourselves.  Then we seek to please ourselves above pleasing God.  Likewise, when we are more concerned for ourselves than the needs and lives of others, we are exhibiting a self-love that exceeds our love for others.

Following God means that sometimes we are going to face situations that require us to deny ourselves.  In the broader sense, we are to do this from day one in our relationship with God, but the problems spring up when we get down to the specific moments when we have to “put up or shut up.”  That is when our love is tested.

When we fail, it is not necessarily the end of the world.  What it is though is a sign that we need more of God and less of ourselves.  More of His love in our hearts, both for Him and other people.  By His grace, we can truly be successful in these things.

Have a blessed day!


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