There is a scripture on my mind, and I have been quoting it lately. It is from th fifty-first Psalm, a prayer of repentance made by David after sinning with Bathsheba. It states, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” (Verse 10, KJV)
This has not been on my mind because I have been involved in some unspeakable sin (doesn’t that make you feel relieved?) but because I have been examining my own heart, trying to see what is really there, wanting to surrender it fully to God.
To be truthful, I didn’t like everything I found there. I had to look at my own feelings and motives honestly, and was ashamed at the level of selfishness. Yes, I said selfishness.
Admittedly, like anyone else, I carry the emotional scars and baggage of past disappointments. Recently when something from the past was recalled and stirred up, the twinge of that disappointment’s pain was felt again. As I was thinking about the reasons why I could still feel this, I realized it was because I had from the very first been more focused on myself than anything else. I was primarily concerned with what I wanted, and when that did not materialize I was disappointed.
The reason it still hurt when I thought about it was because rather than surrender my desires to God, I let a sliver of bitterness get into me. I was like a pouting child in that sense because I was holding on to a hurt because I didn’t get my way. And it involved a great deal of selfishness in me that I did not want to face or admit to having.
That is not to say that we will not face disappointments even when we are pure of heart, or are not motivated by selfishness. Sometimes things do not work out, but Jesus said he would heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18).
However, sometimes we don’t always have the purest motives. We hope to gain something (other than the promises of God) so we go forth with a bad motive trying to do a good thing.
For example, we love, but only because we expect that love to be reciprocated in like manner. Most of us are guilty of this from time to time. We exhibit kindness to others, but do it with the motive of gaining their loyalty to us, not because we see a need and are moved by compassion.
Then we face disappointment when those expectations are not met. We become undone by our own impure motives.
So now I find myself praying daily that God will create a clean heart in me. I want to do the right thing for one reason - simply because it is right. I want my relationships to be based on exhibiting the love of Christ, not to fulfill a selfish need or desire for approval or affection. I want my good works and actions toward others to stem not from a selfish motive, but from allowing God to work through me, to show Himself through those actions, so that He can be glorified.
I hope you understand what I am feebly trying to express here. Thanks.
Be blessed, and have a great day.
